You are a Super Mom!
Goodbye bad habits, welcome good habits.
It’s New Year’s Eve and everyone is excited.
Everyone is busy deciding what to wear tonight, busy on their
phones in WhatsApp groups – finalizing the venue of celebrations, busy taking
selfies while waiting for their turn in the salon. Busy busy…
At the same time, everyone is very optimistic about the brand
New Year that will come tonight when the clock strikes 12.
Enter the New Year, and all of our New Year Resolutions will kick in. Many will
quit smoking, many will stop drinking and a lot many will start exercising to
lose weight. A few of them will actually make it, a lot will forget their
resolution within a week, if not less.
Maa, a super-parent is one of many who
has New Year Resolutions. But she isn’t busy planning for a party or getting
ready in a salon. She is different, you know, she belongs in the rare 0.3%
club. Yet, she is busy with someone else – no, not her boyfriend or husband.
She is with Beti, a child with Cerebral Palsy.
3 infants in every 1000 live childbirths in India are born with
Cerebral Palsy. Beti was one of them.
As a parent, Maa is selfless – is worried about Beti and wants
her daughter to be happy, healthy and ever-smiling. Maa is very positive and
highly motivated about the New Year ahead and has made a list of New Year
Resolutions for her and her daughter.
I asked Maa if she could share the list. She did so, gladly.
Here’s the list for you:
6 Basic New Year’s Resolutions for a Parent of a Child with
Special Needs/ Cerebral Palsy
1. Stay Motivated
Staying motivated is the foundation for all the New Year
Resolutions ahead. No motivation = No resolutions.
If you want to drive only 1 resolution as a parent, it should be
motivation.
For parents of a child with Cerebral Palsy or any other form of
disability, motivation is a rare commodity. Lack of positivity, the abundance
of negative thoughts and worries kill motivation, that can have a snowball
effect on your mental health.
It is natural to worry about the future, but remember – the
future has to pass through the present. Your present will lead to future, so
focus on the present, make the present better and happier.
How do I stay motivated when I see my child suffering every day?
Your child is not suffering as much as your thinking is suffering. In fact, he
or she is happy that her parents are present to take care of them, to play with
them, to make them happy!
Write down on all good things that happen daily, even tiny good
things and thank god for the same.
2. Stay Happy
Amid regular therapy appointments, doctor visits and concerns
about the physical health and social growth of a child, remembering to be
happy, often fall to the side-lines. But to find their happiness, it turns out
parents don’t have to look far.
To be happy should be a top priority for us all, not the last
option. When someone loses sight of how to be happy and what it means to find
happiness in every circumstance – it drains their hope
If you stop caring for yourself, you will lose sanity, become
easily irritable, frustrated, and always in a bad mood.
Get smaller bits of happiness throughout the day as medicine to stay
healthy. Spend some time with your spouse, watch a comedy movie or a TV show,
or simply do what you liked doing before you became a mother. You may not have
enough time to do everything every day, but try arranging some time when your
child is with a caretaker, is sleeping or is involved in some activity.
Those small doses of happiness should be enough to keep you in a
good mood and mental health.
3. Check for newer therapies
Science is evolving every day, so don’t blindly follow what
others follow.
Keep yourself up to date through reading the latest developments
in therapies and treatments for special needs kids.
You can set Google Alerts for
keywords like Cerebral Palsy and Special Needs Kids, Google will then alert you
via email every time there is news on the topic.
But be cautious, don’t believe in anything until you research
the information on multiple sources. Lastly, speak to your occupational pediatrician before you follow a new therapy/ treatment.
In addition, specialized counselling of yourself conducted by a
qualified clinical therapist can introduce you approaches in dealing with
stress when it arises. Counselling can also enable you to support your child
with day-to-day experiences and activities, particularly those that can cause
stress or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Check with your doctor for guidance in finding counselors who are
trained in supporting parents of children with special needs.
Does Your Child have Vestibular disorders?
4. Teach a new activity
Teach something new to your child as per his/ her capabilities.
Try teaching painting, piano, guitar or even creating art from
clay. A new activity will give that much-required change in the boring routine
of your child and keep him/her happy.
Once you notice that your child is showing signs of boredom, it
is time to teach a new activity.
You are the best teacher for your child as you know him/ her
more than anyone else does. Adapt your teaching pace accordingly and know the
safety limits.
5. Make new friends
If your child goes to a school for kids with special needs, this
becomes an easy task – befriending moms of other special needs children. Or
else, you may find new friends when you are waiting for your turn during a
routine appointment with an occupational paediatrician.
In fact, most cities have local groups where parents of
children with disabilities can come together to discuss problems and challenges
they face. Not only does this provide you with a way to help vent your
emotions, but it also helps you to link with people who are going through the same
things.
If meeting in person is an obstacle, there are a variety of
support networks online, mostly free, that can provide an outlet for you to
connect with other parents and/or caregivers
You can also make a WhatsApp group or Facebook group of parents
from your city. Motivate and help each other, share good and bad experiences,
latest developments, etc.. in the group. Staying in touch with a community of
similar parents will give you that extra boost of support and morale.
It really is important to establish a support system consisting
of families, friends and neighbours who can provide emotional and pragmatic
support.
6. Health insurance
Firstly, get a health insurance plan for your child and yourself
to be safe from bill shocks. Getting health insurance for yourself would be
easy, getting one for your child may be difficult through private insurance
providers. For your kid, enrol in Nirmaya Health Insurance Scheme launched
by the Government of India.
Medical expenses are getting more expensive every year, so it
would be better to be covered.
What’s next?
There could be 100s of NEW things you could try next year but
ensure you do implement the 6 of the above resolutions.
Of course, you may need to adapt the list as per your situation,
you may not be in the same situation as Maa. Be flexible with everything to
stay happy.
All in all, don’t lose focus on your own needs, stay happy,
positive, be a part of a community, keep your knowledge up-to-date and invest
in health insurance to cover medical expenses. Be a Super-Parent
To summarize it,
Let’s try to remember these markers. Write them down on sticky
notes and put it in a place where you habitually see it:
- Stay motivated! I will
endorse my feelings and honour them, I will live in the PRESENT!
- Stay Happy! If only five
minutes a day, I will have fun! I will distinctly remember laughing at
least once a day.
- Stay up-to-date! I will
look for newer therapies for my child & yourself on a regular basis.
- New Activities! I will
concentrate on the strengths of my child, not shortcomings. Teach them
something new!
- Stay Social! I will
look for new friends, create a new social circle for support and boost my
morale!
- Be smart! I will
manage Finances, take up health insurance for my child and me!
- Recollect! I will
recollect each day’s ‘silver lining’. I will have hope, above everything
and anything else.
Wish you all the happiness in the years to come.
What are your plans as a super parent? Please comment below…
